42nd Avenue – The Sexcapades of Pamela: Ashawo Dey Fear Dick

Shai! Man dey suffer for woman hand oh! How? Wait until you read this lovely piece till the end. But sha, some women sef dey suffer for men hand.

I met this young soldier couple of months back and since then it’s been a roller coaster between us. His name is Colonel, black, tall and six abs and his dick is massive and he’s rough player as well.

It’s Friday and Colonel ask me to come over. When I got there, I told Colonel I was famished and we drove along Allen Avenue and ended up at a Chinese Restaurant along the same Allen Avenue. The place was exclusive and cozy. Beautiful chandeliers, cozy and exquisite interior décor further added aesthetics to the whole lovely setting. The chairs were well arranged. There were some table with only two chairs by them, and some still, with about five or six chairs to them. The later probably for a family dining out and the former for a couple.

          Colonel must be a regular and esteemed caller there. With the way the waiters and later, the manager, scampered to and from to satisfy him. He ordered his favorite, while I ordered for same. True, true, I no sabi any of the food wey dey the menu list. I no go lie now. Abi make I lie for my readers? No oh!

          I swear, all this ‘mede mede’, this ‘UnAfrican’ meals always piss me off. Why must one waste his or her money eating those foods.? They’re delicious and nutritious.” I hear you say. Okay oh, tell me, is pounded yam, egusi soup and bush meat not delicious and nutritious? Come top am with fucking performance enhancer – Palmwine?

          Or, is Isi Ewu not delicious and nutritious? Come nack very cold beer or red wine to it. I swear, I take god of fuck fuck swear, if you’re a man come screw a woman after any of these meals I listed above, the women would always come back to you for more. If she be married woman, na im be say she go ‘fashi’ her husband come dey screw your dick. If you’re a Thomas, you’re free to doubt me. In fact; if the woman wey you fuck come be ashawo, who’d hitherto stick dogmantically to the principle of money for hand back for ground,” she would waive that principle for once. I’m talking from experience oh! It happened to me once, I’ll tell you about it one day, not today.

          Back to the gist at hand, Colonel and I were barely seated for minutes when we were served that funny looking drink. It tasted nice and sweet thought. Colonel was to later tell me it was cocktails.

          We chatted leisurely while we sipped the mixture called cocktails for a while before our meal was brought to our table.

          Colonel ate hungrily. He devoured everything on the plate voraciously. The first taste of mine left my mouth sour, the meal tasted strange and I couldn’t eat it. I just picked at it disinterestedly, while I stared at Colonel as he gobbled down his own meal.

          “Pamela, you’re not eating”? Didn’t you say you were hungry?” Colonel has asked, seeing that I was only picking at my meal.

          “Dis kain food, me I no sabi am oh”

          You’re a bush girl,” said he.

          “Colonel, stop it oh, because there’s bush in my village ehen, you call me bush girl.

          Okay now, you sef desert man, abi desert no dey for north”? I’d bellowed back at him.

          “You get angry too soon, I was only pulling your legs. Okay I’m sorry.”

          Much later, he has through with his meal and was sipping his drink when the bill was brought to our table. I stole a glance at the bill and the amount made me pop out my eyes in astonishment. That was too much for just the two us, I’d thought. He didn’t blink an eyelid, he said “no problem, do you guy have POS,” he requested.

          When he finished his drink, we made for the door, the manager came to bid us bye and Colonel asked him or rather ordered him to proceed with us to the car downstairs, where we’d earlier parked Colonel’s posh car. As the manager stepped out of the restaurant, I saw Colonel freely distribute cash to the waiters. They thanked him and left with smiles on their faces. Dis man sabi how to ‘settle oh!

          Afterall, they knew how to steal and loot the treasury, even how to collect ‘settlement’ from government contractors.

          We got back to the car park, I made for the back seat of the car, while Colonel gave tips to the manager as well. I saw the two Soja boys, the driver and Colonel’s orderly yawn as I settled down into the backseat. Then we headed for Sheraton Hotel and Towers on Island. We stopped over at Mega plaza where Colonel bought me pizza and cold stone ice cream. I ate while we drove along Ozumba Nnbadiwe to our destination. These soja boys continue to yawn from time to time on our way to Sheraton.

          Along the way to our destination, while I ate my pizza and lick my ice cream, my mind did frightful somersaults when I remembered how hard and rough and energy sapping banging session with Colonel always turned out to be. Fear come begin to grab me. The last time I screwed him, we went as far as eight grueling rounds. Come to think of it, I don fuck two times today. No be death sentence be dis so?

Then I lost my appetite and offered the remains of my pizza to the driver and colonel’s orderly. Kia kia dem collect am from me and devoured it hungrily.

          In no time, we got to our destination and colonel ordered his orderly to go sort out all the hotel room booking formalities. The orderly left the car for the hotel. We waited for him for minutes that seem eternal, my fear growing in size, soon overwhelmed me and I sat still, leaving my fate in God’s hands.

          I swear, even Ashawo dey fear prick sometimes oh! I just sat still, trying to blurt out of my memory, the suffering wey I go suffer if Colonle begin bang me. Moreso, I felt tired. I was jerked back to reality by the sight of Colonel’s orderly running towards us frantically.

          “Sir, madam, she’s there at the hotel reception. She said she saw us along Allen Avenue and decided to come and await us here to know who’s with you”

          The visibly shaken soja boy had stuttered.

          “What did you tell her? Did you tell her I’m with Pamela?”

          No sir, not at all, sir. I told her you’re with Major…

          “Pamela, he’d turned to me,” take this for your transport. I will see you next week when I return from Abuja. ‘Yes, we shall celebrate my elevation to Brigadier-general in a grandstyle.” Colonel had begged.

          ‘Why now?” I asked, pretending to be angry while I made a false sad face.

          As things turned out, e sweet my puzzy oh!

          I hurried out of the car afterwards, then headed home. While inside Uber that took me home, I thought of many things, plenty new dimensions or innovation that I hope to introduce to my line of duty.

          You want to know abi? Then stay hooked, not to drugs, but Pamela on Shybellmedia.com every Friday.